Hi Folks – This weekend I decided to interview Alex. My aim is to present the male perspective. So here it is – enjoy!
Jenni – Okay go…
Alex – Now?
J – Yes, please turn off the TV.
A – Plan plan plan plan plan. For those of you that like to plan things it’s a bit tough knowing where to start when you are planning an event a year in advance. I, um, I find myself wanting to write everything down and not knowing how quickly I’ll cross it out and write something else. There are so many chances, so many colors and flavors, so manyoptions excited to be married and start a family and planning this one day is um really important. Plan plan plan plan planplan plan plan plan.
J – You haven’t told me anything. Is that all you want to say? You have to tell me more, tell me how you’re feeling inside Alex, come on. Please turn off the TV. (Turns it off, finally!)
A – I am worried that something is going to go wrong with the music or food or location. I am worried that it won’t be right.
J – So you’re feeling a lot of pressure?
A – Yes
J – Where does this pressure come from?
A – First and foremost it comes from me. I expect a lot from myself , um and I think it also come from those around me and wanting to make this night special, or wanting to make this night meaningful.
J – Don’t you think that it that no matter what happens it will still be special?
A – No matter what happens it is going to be special and we’ll be married…
(Pause to leave apartment, resume aboard the Q Train to Manhattan.)
A – Makes me very uncomfortable talking right now.
J – Don’t worry about it. It’s fine, let’s have a conversation, it’s just being taped. So you were telling me what you were afraid of, like what your fears were.
A – Well as a 25-year-old male you really don’t know jack about weddings.
J – But nobody really knows anything about wedding until you are actually in it and you’re planning one I had no idea at all the level of… I mean I guess I had some idea.
A – Well at the same time I have only been to one wedding
J – You’ve been to three weddings
A – No
J – (Laughing) You have been to three weddings.
A – No
J – Three! Darling! Laura, Sarah, Yana
A – I guess, yeah, I guess I have been to three weddings
J – Okay
A – That’s true
J – You have been to three very different weddings
A – Yeah
J – You have been to a very extravagant expensive wedding
A – I feel like I don’t know anything
J – And you have been to …
A – I want to put everything into a little box, like a little bracket.
J – So, this wedding is messing with your control issues?
A – Maybe, yeah.
J – But I mean you get play G-d over this little planet that we are creating.
A – Yeah, it’s just um, a lot to keep track of and, uh…
J – Well, That’s why we have a planner
A – And you need to make it happen, I want to plan it because I like things a certain way and I just feel like it’s um a bit nerve-wracking, you know?
J – But what’s nerve-wracking? What have you been asked to do? Nothing. Is it nerve-wracking because it is so abstract right now?
A – Yeah
J – Too abstract for you?
A – It’s a very different concept and at the same time, picking out things it’s like very nerve-wracking for me.
J – Well the most important thing that you have to pick out is ties. Until you pick out the ties I really can’t do anything with my bridesmaid’s dresses.
A – Well I am pretty sure we picked out the ties already.
J – Now we didn’t buy them.
A – Oh buy them?
J – Yeah we need to pick them out and buy 6 of them.
A – Okay, well
J – But whatever that’s not, that’s more of a specific thing. So you’re saying that this is an unpleasant experience so far?
A – No I wouldn’t say that this is unpleasant, it forces you to think and to make decisions about things. There is so much, it’s a big thing, planning a wedding is a big deal and for someone who doesn’t really know a lot about weddings, you know, it’s a lot to handle.
J – What are you most excited about?
A – I most excited about the vows, because we’re writing our own vows, I am most excited about that. I think it’s going to be a really special moment.
J – You’re going to cry
A – Maybe
J – (Laughing) I will cry for sure
A – Yeah you will cry
J – I think it’s going to be really neat to have both of our families and friends together. Potentially awkward but really cool.
A – I am actually really happy that it’s not in Brooklyn because of the amount of people. It’s going to be good.
J – What are you least looking forward to?
A – Paying the bills, I think that’s uh…
J – We’re going to be fine; we are not planning a ridiculously expensive wedding.
J – What do you think your mom is most looking forward to?
A – I think my mom is looking most forward to her dress, your dress and the girl’s dresses, she never gets a chance to be girly around all of us guys and I feel like this is the only opportunity she really gets to like be girly and enjoy herself. I mean, she doesn’t have to make them, but altering them, there is a lot to be said for her talents. There is a lot of personality and emotion you get from clothing. I feel like that’s… It’s very important for me for my mom to be happy. It’s very important.
J – Aw, you’re so sweet.
A – No listen, my mom is the only person in my life that’s like a parental figure. She means the most to me and for her to be happy is very important.
J – Is it possible this is some of the pressure you’re feeling? Trying her to make her happy with it?
A – I mean listen you know my mom she is very judgmental.
J – She’s not judgmental, she’s opinionated.
A – Very opinionated and if she doesn’t like it, she’ll tell you. And granted its good in one way but its also bad, when you are trying to make her happy. But I am sure that if we do it our way and we really put our personality into it will be really special and everyone will appreciate it.
J – I agree. What do you think your friends are most looking forward to?
A – I think they are really looking forward to making a nice vacation out of this. Because if you think about it that’s really the best thing to do, I mean it’s a year in advance, we’re telling people it’s in San Diego, they have a year to save up. For the ones that do come they are going to have a really amazing time.
J – Yeah and go to a place they wouldn’t normally go to.
A – They’ll be able to really enjoy themselves I think. I certainly excited to have a ring on my finger and be ready to start a family. Yeah, and kind of progress our lives together. I feel like our lives have been at a standstill.
J – Honey, we never stand still. There is always something.
A – Yes, I feel like financially we were at a standstill.
J – I think we were financially more in a sinkhole than a standstill, quicksand.
A – I guess you could say we went rock climbing or something.
J – Rappelling, we went down, we did not go up.
A – Well we went down and now we are climbing up.
J – I am climbing faster than you probably.
A – Maybe, probably.
J – I jumped, like a superhero jump.
A – Uh huh, well I hit more bumps on the way down, I am little slower. All in all I think for me to feel comfortable about it, I need to have everything written down and in its own little box, and print a spread sheet and fill in all the information that we need, and I feel that it is important that we do that.
J – You want to start making wedding spreadsheets; you can do that thing on The Knot and start filling that in.
J – Apparently right now we need to book our DJ and Photographer.
A – But The Knot says it’s most important to get our guest list down.
J – We are inviting everyone that’s on that list.
A – We have way too many people on that list.
J – Honey if we invite 140 people we’ll end up with like a hundred. It’s fine.
A – Ok.
J – I guess we should go back through it again.
A – Yeah, I’d like to.
J – Ok. You done? You want to say anything else?
A – No think I am done, right now. It’s a lot, it’s a big financial commitment especially given the fact that I don’t like to be in debt and we’re slowly climbing out of our sinkhole.
J – I feel like you’re putting a negative spin on things.
A – Well it’s also a lot bigger than anything I have been able to do, like, its way out of my…
J – Comfort Zone?
A – Not necessarily my comfort zone, but like, understanding, in terms of, you know, this is pretty high-end stuff and I am not really familiar with all of that.
J – You want to get married at the Big Banana (local Bodega)?
A – Not necessarily Big Banana, but again it’s like a different mentality, I have never had money and to think that I am going to have 10 thousand dollars to pay for a wedding
J – 14
A – Well, whatever it come out to be, 15, 16, it’s hard to grasp.
J – It’ll come, money is easy. Money comes and money goes.
A – Fool’s say that money is easy.
J – I would disagree I think the enlightened say that, money is not real. It’s more conceptual.
A – It’s true, money is very conceptual. That’s why it fluctuates so much.
J – Listen we’ll either be able to afford everything we want or we won’t. We’ll cut corners where we can and we’ll do it right.
A – We’re not going to cut any corners. But we’ll make it work.
J – We’re going to have to round some corners I think. I am not spending 4 thousand dollars on flowers.
A – No, you mean WE, you mean to say WE right? Am I getting married? Or are you getting married?
J – I suppose you can come too.
A – Thanks.
J – No Prob, Bob.
A – We’re going to have a bit of a disagreement on that mindset a lot of brides get into…
J – Oh honey, I am well aware you are going to be a groomzilla and I think that I am going to be a lot more laid back about this than you think that I am.
A – Yeah want this to be as special for me as it is for you. I only plan to do this once and…
J – All the other times you’ll go to the courthouse?
A – Yeah. So I definitely don’t plan on just being that groom that just shows up and everything is already there.
J – And I don’t expect you to be, that’s why I really wanted to do this today. I want you to be involved in every aspect. It was just really was important for me to get married in San Diego, and I made that decision, well we made it together…
A- I think I knew that from the beginning which is why all the other venues we saw, were not working for me and I wasn’t getting excited about them. I wanted to get married in San Diego from day one.
J – Any final things to say to all the people reading?
A – I appreciate your support and your friendship and I hope that you’ll be able to share this day with us.
As always, thank you so much for reading!